Prisoners Of The Sand (2)

second of six

Well, it was broad daylight and time we were on our way. This time we should strike out as fast as we could, leave this cursed plateau, and tramp till we dropped in our tracks.
I don't remember anything about that day. I remember only my haste. I was hurrying desperately towards something--towards some finality. I remember also that I walked with my eyes to the ground, for the mirages were more than I could bear. From time to time we would correct our course by the compass, and now and again we would lie down to catch our breath. I remember having flung away my water-proof, which I had held onto as covering for the night. That is as much as I recall about the day. Of what happened when the chill of evening came, I remember more. But during the day I had simply turned to sand and was a being without mind.
When the sun set we decided to make camp. Oh, I knew as well as anybody that we should push on, that this one waterless night would finish us off. But we had brought along the bits of parachute, and if the poison was not in the sizing, we might get a sip of water next morning. Once again we spread our trap for the dew under the stars.
But the sky in the north was cloudless. The wind no longer had the same taste on the lip. It had moved into another quarter. Something was rustling against us, but this time it seemed to be the desert itself. The wild beast was stalking us, had us in its power. I could feel its breath in my face, could feel it lick my face and hands. Suppose I walked on: at the best I could do five or six miles more. Remember that in three days I had covered one hundred miles, practically without water.
And then, just as we stopped, Prevot said:
"I swear to you, I see a lake!"
"You're crazy."
"Have you ever heard of a mirage after sunset?" he challenged.
I didn't seem able to answer him. I had long ago given up believing my own eyes. Perhaps it was not a mirage; but in that case it was a hallucination. How could Prevot go on believing? But he was stubborn about it.
"It's only twenty minutes off. I'll go have a look."
His mulishness got on my nerves.
"Go ahead!" I shouted. "Take your little constitutional. Nothing better for a man. But let me tell you, if your lake exists it is salt. And whether it's salt or not, it's a devil of a way off. And besides, there is no damned lake!"
Prevot was already on his way, his eyes glassy. I knew the strength of these irresistable obsessions. I was thinking: "There are sonambulists who walk stright into locomotives." And I knew that Prevot would not come back. He would be seized by the vertigo of empty space and would be unable to turn back. And then he would keel over. He somewhere, and I somewhere else. Not that it was important...
Night fell. The moon had swollen since I last saw it. Prevot was still not back. I stretched out on my back and turned these few data over in my mind. A familiar impression came over me, and I tried to seize it. I was...I was...I was at sea. I was on a ship going to South America and was stretched out, exactly like this, on the boat deck. The tip of the mast was swaying to and fro, very slowly, among the stars. That mast was missing tonight, but again I was at sea, bound for a port I was to make without raising a finger. Slavetraders had flung me on this ship.
I thought of Prevot who was still not back. Not once had I heard him complain. That was a good thing. To hear him whine would have been unbearable. Prevot was a man.
What was that? Five hundred yards ahead of me I could see the light of his lamp. He had lost his way. I had no lamp with which to signal back. I stood up and shouted, but he could not hear me.
A second lamp, and then a third! God in Heaven! It was a search party and it was me they were hunting!
"Hi! Hi!" I shouted.
But they had not heard me. The three lamps were still signalling me.
"Tonight I am sane," I said to myself. "I am relaxed. I am not out of my head. Those are certainly three lamps and they are about five hundred yards off." I stared at them and shouted again and again. I gathered that they could not hear me.
then, for the first and only time, I was really seized with panic. I could still run, I thought. "Wait! Wait!" I screamed. They seemed to be turning away from me, going off, hunting me elsewhere! And I stood tottering, tottering on the brink of life when there were arms out there ready to catch me! I shouted and screamed again and again.
They had heard me! An answering shout had come. I was strangling, suffocating, but i ran on, shouting as I ran, until I saw Prevot and keeled over.
When I could speak again I said: "Whew, when I saw all those lights..."
"What lights?"
God in Heaven, it was true! He was alone!
This time I was beyond despair. I was filled with a sort of dumb fury.
"What about your lake?" I rasped.
"As fast as I moved towards it, it moved back. I walked after it for about half an hour. Then it still seemed too far away, so I came back. But I am positive, now, that it is a lake."
"You're crazy. Absolutely crazy. Why did you do it? Tell me. Why?"
What had he done? Why had he done it? I was ready to weep with indignation, yet I scarcely knew why I was so indignant. Prevot mumbled his excuse:
"I felt I had to find some water. you...your lips were awfully pale."
Well! My anger died within me. i passed my hand over my forehead as if i were waking out of sleep. I was suddenly sad. I said:
"There was no mistake about it. I saw them as clearly as I see you now. Three lights there were. I tell you, Prevot, I saw them!"
Prevot made no comment.
"Well," he said finally, "I guess we're in a bad way."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (from "Wind, Sand and Stars ")

Zoroaster and Brahma Temple (top)
view west from outside Mineral Canyon (middle)
Holy Grail Temple w/ King Arthur and Guinevere Castle (below)