A large group of Russian soldiers outside Kyiv are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Ukrainian soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice once again calls out: "One Ukrainian is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The calm Ukrainian voice calls out again: "One Ukrainian is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them!"
A Russian man says to his wife: “I am the man of the house, and I do whatever I want! Tonight I am going out to drink vodka with my friends, I’ll come home whenever I want, and I don’t care what you think!”
The wife says nothing. Later, the man returns completely drunk, and collapses in the entranceway of the house. The wife looks at him, goes to get a condom, spits in it a few times, and shoves it up his ass, then puts him to bed.
In the morning, the man comes to breakfast very subdued and hung over. The wife says: “So how was your night out with your friends?”
The man says: “I have no friends.”
The Clash: The Call Up
A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared." "That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."
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